Smacks buns, hit and runs
by Xnx
Summary: Well the title is self explanatory other than roadkill, explosions, other violence with a humeruos twist. Please read and give me a hint that you read in a review or I won't know thank you!


Teddy's Secret

Chapter 4: Smacks, Buns, Hits, and Runs

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy or any of it's characters.

-House-

After 54 minutes

Sephiroth: With this credit card inside my wallet…..inside my wallet (going through his pocket) My wallet missing and that girl's gone.

(Turns around to find that everybody expect Vincent laying his Gameboy Advance) I'll kill you all slices Vincent's head off and realizes it's a dummy.

****

-Outside-

Barret (muffled): Strife, Lockheart, get your fat $$ over here this instant.

Car: (drives away and hits Sephiroth's mail box then drives faster at 130 miles per hour)

-House-

Hojo: Ah, nothing more better than eating beans.

Sephiroth: Give me those (staving, angry and right about slices Hojo in two)

Hojo: (gobbles them down and farts away into the air) Learn how to cook!

Aeris: (arriving) Hi guys! Just came from the store and my friend should come you know that bear from TV……………..Sephiroth!

Sephiroth: (eating one of Yogi's barbecued legs) Groceries! (kills Aeris, steals the groceries, and jumps out the window)

Cloud: (Comes in) Hi

Aeris: (nearly "dead") Take these to remember me by….......(hands Cloud the flowers)

Cloud: Yeah whatever (takes the flowers and throws them out the window) (walks into the hall)

Aeris: (secretly puts a flower in Cloud's pocket.)

****

-Hallway-

Cloud: (open the door to find the rest cast (who were listening are either on the floor or already running down the stairs)

Tifa: (getting herself off the ground with a boiling face) What were you talking about to that girl-scout? Waitletmeguess **COOKIES! **(sarcastically) OH what's this (looking at his back) a flower from her and probably I should stick this right in your -

Cloud: (interrupting) I was uh… giving you... some... some.. uh...flowers but she threw them out see. (pointing to the window)

Tifa: Why that little #%#. Wait here while I find the chainsaw. (sprints to the garage)

Cloud: Whatever _hit two birds with one stone_

Shadowy Figure: smack

Cloud: (suddenly he falls to the floor)

Shadowy Figure opens the door.

-House-

Areis: (after laying there for a half an hour) Wait a minute. I'm not dead. (get up to her feet) I'm not dead. (starts sing while doing girl-scout style ballet) La la la la la not dead la la la la not d-

Shadowy Figure: smack (knocks out Aeris cold)(Steals the fridge and runs away)

-Garage-

About 30 minutes before

Tifa: (bending to look in the big tool box) Now where is that thing..........

CS: (observing her rear)Sniff Sniff Sniff

Tifa:!

CS: So that's how it smells like........(writes it down)......Quite funky if I may add.

Tifa: Cait Sith! YOU PERV! (kicks him through the roof)

Cait Sith: IIIIIII cccccooooouuuuuullllldddddnnnn'ttttttttt resisssssssssssssst.........................(disappears into the sky)

Tifa: ....and Stay Out (bends down to look again) The_ nerve of him, thinks he can go around sniffing people's b-_

CS: (continues to observe)sniff grab pinch rub poke

Tifa:!!!!

Cait Sith: (while writing) Hmmm quite fascinating, every time I poke her bun's cheek, it returns back to normal like jell. What if I poke harder........

Tifa: I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE! (swings the titanium baseball bat) SMACK

Cait Sith: It's a free countryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy crack (breaks through the car windows and car garage door into the street)

-In the Car-

Mom: Oh look there's little moogy on the road.

Daughter: Oh isn't he cute.

Dad: I think he looks even cuter as ROADKILL!!(stomps on the gas)

-On the street-

Cait Sith: Oh crap _Short legs don't fail me now _He he there's a short street.

Voices from the car: No left. You said left, right. Right. No don't turn right, I meant right. Turn left toward that street. (Who's that with the flowers? Why is that shadowy figure in my rear view mirror or following that moogy?) Pay attention. We got him. Run him over daddy.

Cait Sith: OH NO it's a dead end (turns his head around) AHHHHHHH!

Voices from Car: Hey the wheel's gone! AHHHHH WERE GONNA CRASHH!!!!(the car hits Cait Sith and smashes into the wall)

While this happening

-Garage-

Tifa: Finally found it

Yuffie: Would you like to buy that.

Tifa: Yuffie? Where did you come from? How long have been standing ther-

Yuffie: We have them in 3 three different colors.

Tifa: But this is our garag-

Yuffie: We also carry different kind of blades.

Tifa: But those were my Christmas presen-Blades you say. (Looking at the sharp chainsaw blade.) I could slice her with this or (looking) use this one for heavy duty.

Yuffie:(looking at Tifa's money) Whatever you say.

Tifa: I've decided.........

Yuffie: Yeeeesssssss.....(getting ready to raise up the price)

Tifa: .......to buy.........

Yuffie: Yeeeeeeeesssssssssss.._Inflation-Inflation_

Tifa: the-

Rumble from outside the house:CRASH KABOOM

Tifa: What was that?

Yuffie: _Nooooo so close_

Tifa: Let's check it out!

Yuffie: I'll take her money (Tries to jump over the counter) Aim for the cash(but her rump is glued to the seat and crashes through the counter)

Camera from the boxes: snap/flash snap/flash snap/flash

Yuffie: Whose there?

Tifa: C'mon hurry up!

Shadowy figure runs away from the boxes.

Who do you think this shadowy figure is?

To be continued


End file.
